A Return to Essays

For a year now, I've been only writing on my travel blog. Things have returned to the Ordinary, so I plan to return to writing essays on random topics of my interest. Most of my thinking in the past few months has leaned towards the philosophical. I've been reading a lot of Wikipedia entries on various philosophers and theirs ideas in an effort to introduce myself to the field.

I've haven't really done a whole lot of reading on the subject, in terms of the philosophers' works themselves. Wikipedia has been a great tool for giving me a reading list. I would like to start with at least on enlightenment philosopher, Immanuel Kant, and then move into more modern philosophical ideas, including Pragmatists, Logical Positivists, and perhaps some Nietzsche and other Existentialists.

All of this is in an effort to start defining a personal philosophy. I've always had a set of loose ideas under which I operate, but perhaps it's time to start formalisation. This is sort of exercise should, perhaps, be done every decade or so. I'm closing in on my thirtieth birthday, and so I think it is time to reevaluate my values.

Essays may lean much more philosophically as this exploration and formalisation proceeds. Or, as usual, I may just be full of crap.

We'll see.

A Great Opinion on Blogging

John Richards, DJ of the Morning Show, Audio Oasis, and other things on KEXP opened up the KEXP blog with a great blurb about blogging.

If I hear the word "blog" one more time I'm going to vomit but blogit, I'm going to blogity blog blog right bloggin now! I actually heard a commercial the other day where the guy is saying something like "man, I'm on line blogging all the time and when I need a break...." You can SEE the company president saying to his staff "Now LISTEN, I keep hearing about this wacky blog thing out there and I want to make sure we're hip to that vibe man." Then you can see the people making the commercial rolling their eyes at the copy they have to come up with. I feel for you. Hang in there....the commercial still blows though. Anyway, where was I....or yeah! KEXP Blogga Bloggggggg Bloggidy Blog Blog......Blog.

Read the whole thing here.

Lure of the Eye

For anyone who owns a Mac PowerBook of a more recent incarnation, there is a little white LED on the front, set into the button for opening the laptop screen. This little white light pulses in slow, methodical time when the laptop is sleeping.

It calls.

It is like a siren's song, drawing in the user towards that button.

"Open me," it sings. "I have access to information both interesting and obscure. I can give you knowledge of the world, or entertainments you would only dream of. All you have to do is open the lid."

Wake the Eye, is all it is asking.

It is a vile temptress, a distracter of man, reducing him again to a quivering sieve of information. Like it's sister, Television, that information is fleeting against the brain. It tickles it, teases it, and lulls it into a sense of learning. But the information is fickle. It leaves as easily as it came.

And the user is left hollow. He awakes from the distraction as if from a dream. The information fades back into the Æther from whence it came.

But the Eye sleeps.

Tension Paper

I am a big fan of Lost. I really thought that it was a great show in its first season. It generated a great amount of tension, really did a superb job of drawing the viewer into the characters, and gave one a lot to think about, in terms of where they were going. Well written television, in my opinion.

Which is what lead me to doing a little bit of thinking about why Lost sucks this season.

The last four episodes of the first season were one long, tension-increasing build-up to...something - opening the hatch, showdown with the others, something, anything, sharing a coke with the polar bears, I don't know. What we end up with on the start of the second season was just a rapid deflation of the tension.

So, psychologically, we were kind of left with a sense of "what the fuck just happened here?". The first season actually started out with a surprising amount of tension ("Hey, we just crashed on a deserted island. OMG, we're fucked."). That's what grabbed hold of me, anyway. It's like the first chapter of a NY Times best seller: there's usually a really great first chapter that grabs your attention from page one. If not, you probably wouldn't read the book (this is true of most good books, actually - unless you know the author and know that they're going to get you somewhere really cool).

So this season, they decided to kind of drop the tension and start from scratch of creating a whole new set of tension, while leaving the first seasons set of tensions rather disappointingly unresolved. That's what my whole theory here boils down to: we're all still waiting for season one's tension resolution.

I think that's why I still hold out a little hope for the series. If they can do a good job of getting back to resolving some of those other problems, the show will get back on track. They have enough open ended things. The really should have stuck with closing those, neatly, maybe with a double stich.

Produce

We are a product of our times. In today's modern times we spend so much of our time wanting more things, needed more money, bigger houses, more, more, more. What happened to the pursuit of intellect, or honor or justice, even? When were they lost?

When one reads about the great men and women of the past, they have one thing in common: most were voracious readers. The devoured knowledge, absorbed it. Look at the likes of Hamilton, Roosevelt, Churchill. These men were great intellects, as well as great leaders.

Are the great men and woman today of equal caliber? I'd say no. Those in power are not the type who have mastered these talents. They all are men of opportunity and staying power. The wait for their reward through years of loyalty, not talent. It's toadyism at it's worst.

The^[1] difference between the times probably has everything to do with it. Intellectualism was of great importance. People read more wrote more, self-entertained more, discussed ideas in an open manner. Many of the great men since the Age of Enlightenment were great due to this extensive interest in knowledge.

Then again, are those of us who watch TV and enjoy the entertainments of this modern age merely the plebians, the groundlings, the unwashed masses of the day? What does that do for our significance in the world? There was certainly the fair share of people in the days of greats who were much less intellectually capable.

These were the sorts of people that the masters of the French or Russian revolutions grabbed onto, using the mob mentality to satisfy their own designs. For a more recent example, we can look at the post-9/11 America. Fear of terrorism on such a grand scale was used to railroad some very sketchy legislation through.

How do we combat this use of the mob? Education. Information. Not through the media, but through teachers, parents, and mentors. Given the way that TV seems to affect the brain, we really should start to try and remove it. Or perhaps change it. Due to the rise of Tivo, advertisement driven TV may be on the way out. It'll have to be more subtle, but perhaps that will allow some of the dumbing down of the populace to be removed.

This is more of a rant^[2] than I usually go for, but I'm generally bothered by the course of government in the US these days. I think what bothers me more is the general apathy of the populace. We need to become more active in how our country is run, and the best way to do that is through education, information, and open dialogues.

Happily, it's a midterm election year. I think people are starting to get angry enough to enact some change.


[1] Funny how one can get stuck mid-sentence. Actually, this isn't really mid-sentence, is it? It's more of the first word. But it is a word that implies start to anything. The rest of the sentence needs to be formed in the mind before is placed to keyboard. Even in free-writing (and free-writing in my sense of the concept is simply writing about a topic and trying to stay on topic - which I'm obviously not doing) each sentence may only be thought of right after the completion of the last one. Anyway, back to that sentence...

[2] So as you can see, this is much less coherent than usual. Sometimes, you just gotta rant...

Short Posts

I've been spending time lately on my travel blog^[1]. One thing that I've noticed, even at this early stage of writing, is that there really isn't that much to say on a daily basis. Nothing in my life changes that fast.

So, for the end of 2005, I'd like to leave you with this little, brief, and probably crappy haiku:

A year is ended
Glasses of champagne are drunk
A year is begun

Happy New Year.

1. I feel like I'm becoming a master of the subtle self-plug.

On a More Personal Note

Since this blog is particularly dedicated to essay writing, I've started a new blog concerning my entry into vagabondage. The intention of the new blog is to chronicle the activities leading up to and through the act of leaving work and traveling abroad for several months on end.

Does this mean I will stop writing essays? Not a chance. I'll be doing nothing for the month of January but planning, thinking, sleeping, and drinking.

It'll be good times.

Ballroom Dance, Revisited

A long while ago, I mentioned that I take a ballroom dance class...and enjoy it.

It's true. Really. Damn lot of fun.

The class I take is social ballroom dance through the Ballroom Dance Club at the University. It's a great way to meet people, get to know people, have something in common with them, have an excuse to interact with them.

Taking these lessons has done several things for me. First, I've become remarkably more balanced and lighter on my feet[1]. I walk more on the balls of my feet, rather than on my heels. I feel like I move with a little bit more grace and ease, I feel more comfortable with my step, more sure of where that foot will land.

Friends of mine who have studied martial arts of various sorts say the same thing about their balance and surety of step. They speak of how the are more aware of their physical self. Martial arts also tend to add a grace and beauty of movement to the practitioner. The similarities end there, however. Where ballroom is an dance of graceful seduction (if apply to that end), martial arts is a dance of graceful violence.

The second things that I've really gotten out of the class is a bit more ease with the opposite sex. I've always been a bit awkward in my interactions, unless I become friends with a woman, which in itself is a whole other story.

The class is configured as such: the leads all stand in a line on one side of the gym, the follows on the other. The steps are taught to each side individually, and then the follows are told to find a partner. The pairs dance a for a bit, familiarizing themselves with the move. After a few moments, they are told to switch partners and the follows switch down one partner.

So what does this have to do with me becoming more comfortable with woman? Every semester I dance with forty different woman, some I know, most I don't. I have to make them comfortable with the idea of dance with me, even if it is only going to be for a moment. I doing so, I also have become more comfortable with asking my classmates to dance - there are occasionally open dance periods. It all stems from confidence gained from becoming slightly more skilled at this whole thing.

Granted, I've become a bit of the old man in the group. This is, after all, a University club. Many of the students are undergrads, and, more so, freshman undergrads. I'm older then most by about ten years. Not really an issue, since I'm neither creepy nor obsessive (nor ugly, if I do say so myself).

All in all, it has been a really good experience for me. It's a great skill, although, one that has is harder and harder to find the appropriate social situations in which to use it. It's a great social tool, enhancing interaction, and a remarkable amount of fun.[2]

[1] Now, I'm not using the phrase "light in my loafers," if that's what your thinking. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

[2] As you can see, I'm still really lax on the art of the conclusion. It's as if I start these things with very little idea as to where I'm going. I know that I've had this discussion before, but I'd like to point out that I'm pretty much writing my essays in the same format as I learned in high school. You know the format: an introduction, two to three middling points, and a conclusion. This format is rather tried and true at getting one's point across.

Let's look at this essay a little more critically, through the lens of the high school essay format.

First off, the introduction makes not point at reference what it's going to talk about, other then ballroom dance. No mention of physical movement or opposite-sex interaction. So we're left wonder where the hell is he going?

Secondly, how are these points tied together? Did the art of physical movement affect the author's opposite-sex interactions? It was described as a dance of seduction, if applied correctly. Has the author applied it correctly? If not, the author should supply us with a story of it applied incorrectly, described with great flourish, humor, and self-deprecating commentary. If there is no story, the author certainly hasn't been doing this often enough.

As for that conclusion, holy crap, it's lame.

My advice to the author: don't quit your day job.[3]

[3] Hey, now, I appreciate your criticism, but let's remember, this is just an exercise. I'm just writing about what I know and feel about a particular subject. There isn't necessarily supposed to be too much connecting either part.[4]

[4] Well, look at it this way. Your now having a public dialog with your internal critic. You've just bumped up against the crazy ceiling. I was just telling you what I thought about your writing, but now I think you've slipped into something more along the lines of a crazy nutter.[5]

[5] I was merely responding to your criticism, and here you go responding with name calling. How's that for being the internal critic. Not very constructive, mind you. Not helpful at all.[6]

[6] Bloody crazy nutter, you are.

Force Feedback

So I posted a little note from my BlackBerry (which, I'm now of the opinion, are the spawn of Satan) the other night. It started me thinking on how easy it is these days to upload real-time information about the inner most thoughts of any human being.

Why does that seem like an incredible waste of technology?

There are some impressive possible uses for the instant access to the journalistic tools. The most obvious one being journalism. Having a journalist in the thick of things and sending in a story, written as it happens is wonderfully powerful. The reader can be connected instantly to the joy, unrest, terror or mundane of the world.

There are two issues with this. The first being the problem of aggregation. Mobile blogging or instant journalism has created an explosion of information and opinions on the events of the day. Collection, assessing and absorbing all of this information becomes an huge task for any one person. Data aggregation is becoming a big focus of development efforts (Google Reader is a good example). Even still, there's a wealth of information that comes in a daily basis.

Does this wealth of information allow us to live our lives in any better fashion? The answer is yes and no. Having access to those pieces of information that directly relate to you in a timely manner is valuable, of course. The problem is that the much of the information isn't directly applicable to one's current affairs. The reader may actually spend more time familiarizing themselves with the news of the day from Joe Blogger^[1], reading about Joe's life and spending less time going about their own lives.

Mundane was mentioned early. This is really the second problem with the instant upload of news and information. What is considered news by some is incredibly boring and useless information. When some one blogs about the fact that their friend is in trouble or they had a great time at a concert. All these things may be interesting to four or five people, but, on the whole, generally dull and uninteresting to the rest of mankind.

Which brings me back to my BlackBerry post. I posted that entry about the simple fact that I had a BlackBerry and wanted to write about it. Which really is the most boring, mundane and useless piece of knowledge that I can provide.

[1] Right. So I know that Joe Blogger hasn't actually updated his blog in quite some time. In fact, I just made a wild guess that someone out there actually had created a blog, originally called JoeBlogger for a real sense of anonymity or average Joe quality. It does fit the bill for my point. It's a bunch of small, useless tidbits about a the life some Joe somewhere, telling us all about how his life is going. Is it news? Probably not.

Then again, neither is this.

Mobility

I've been given a blackberry handset by my work. Interrestingly enough, I find myself already attempting a blog entry.

Here's a question: is too much rapid access to one's personal information?

Perhaps. But, the keyboard is damn slow. More on this in future posts.

Posted from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Compile Time

I've been spending too much time at work. I don't mean that I've been putting in a lot of hours, I've just been spending too much time there. It's time to move on, spend my time elsewhere.

I've been working on a few ideas. Things are compiling. We are, however, talking about old-school compile times. Punch the cards, submit them to the terminal, and go and get a cup of coffee. It'll be a while before the results come back and we know that we have a working program, or a mess of errors to be debugged and tried all over again.

So it brings me back here. Ideas are great if you start to let them out. They have to be placed on paper (or, in this case, electronic media) and given form. They can be massaged, managed, organized, discredited, scrutinized, honed, and finally given their chance to make it.

I haven't been writing much, since I have been transitioning away from being a grad student. I gave it a shot and found it's not really for me. I found that I really was enjoying the time to be creative, write, read, think. So in this transition, I became stuck in a rut. Work was a concentration for me (which is odd, considering how much I despise my boss). It's become more so lately, as I have been given more responsibility over a particular aspect of the product (which has led to some of the ideas that are, at this moment, compiling).

So part of my scheme is to simple quit. I would like to return to that time of thinking, evaluating. Go walkabout, mentally. Really get back to dreaming.

If I can keep to it, I'll keep writing until that point. I need to tap the rust off the old brain and get back to scheming on paper (err...electronic media).

Walkabout

I spent the last two weeks hiking in Glacier National Park. After having been out in the back country for almost a week, I was less inclined to hike with the group of friends I was traveling with. I was also a bit antsy; I needed to move. So I went on a day hike alone. It was nice to be walking alone again. Most of my vacations up to this point included a lot of walking by myself.

During this hike, I started thinking about the concept of walkabout. I realized that I know absolutely nothing about it, save the bits and pieces that I'd seen on TV. Oddly enough, there's not a whole lot out there on the internet that boils it down to a simple set of descriptions. There's a really brief entry here, and stuff about some movie, but other than that, there seems to be few direct descriptions of a walkabout.

Walkabout is simply as it is described. A person on walkabout is doing just that: walking about. Australian Aborigines went on walkabout to search for new food and water sources. It's more analogous to the long hunts of the Native Americans.

Western traditions seem to have latched on to the spiritual aspects of walkabout. There is an attraction to "go walkabout" and leave one's job and life behind, all in an effort to find oneself, or confront one's problems. It's been converted into something akin to the spiritual quest of the Native American.

Perhaps this generation, having no really defining challenge, is constantly in need of stepping back and evaluating their existence. Not having a "purpose" leaves one asking the questions "why am I here," or "am I doing what I 'should'". There's a sense that one gets a bit lost in the details.

Walkabout provides a way to step a way and view things from different angles. The perspective is changed when distance is applied, and the details disappear. The view becomes a big picture, with parts of one's life painted in larger brush strokes.

To interject a little of my own opinion here, at I've said it before, this is how I view a vacation. It's a chance for me to step back and evaluate what's going on in my life, my relationships, my work, everything. The view from the distance provides a startling clarity and insight. I return, usually, happier and with a better sense of where I'm going.

The Joy of Vacation

I just returned from a vacation. Two weeks in beautiful Glacier National Park. I spent the time with some friends hiking in the back country, away from work, technology, the concerns of daily life. It was a great reprieve from the ordinary.

Two weeks is important as far as vacation times go. I've heard it said, and maintain the philosophy to this day, that two week vacation is really the minimum time one should spend on a trip in order for it to be considered true time off.

There are several reasons for this. The first, being that one doesn't really stop thinking about work, etc. for at about a week. There's always that little piece of work left on one's desk that seems to sit in the back of one's mind, calling, whispering, trying to gather the brain's attention for just one more moment of processing. It takes a week for that thinking to just be deprioritized.

The best way, in my opinion, to help along this depriorization process is to keep one's brain very busy (or at least very tired) through a lot of activity. Spend the first week going to the museums, walking the streets, seeing the sights and enjoying the food. Exhaust one's self.

Now, the second week comes along. One has seen many of the sights, walked dozens of miles, and pretty much worn out feet, limbs, etc. Normally people who only take a week off have to head back to work come Monday. But those who still have that next week off can begin to relax. Now is the time to go to a cafe and enjoy a three hour coffee whilst reading a novel. It's the week to enjoy sitting on a porch and savoring a well earned beer while watching the world go by.

That first week as taken all the thoughts of work and the real world and replaced them with the new experience, the sights and sounds of the foreign place. It broadens the horizons and opens up new avenues of thinking. It makes for a wonderful time to starting thinking of new projects, such as ideas for that business one would like to start, or a new novel, or a new painting, or, perhaps, just a new way to rearrange the furniture.

This leads to a question: how are people supposed to have the ability to take this extended vacation and still be able to take time off for the little things. The majority of US companies only give two weeks of vacation. Employees need to start working towards getting more vacation, instead of working towards more money. A large portion of quality of life seems to come from quantity of free-time, not just quantity of free spending cash.

As for me, I find that after a vacation, my writing level tends to spike. I get about four good months before things start to fall off. So a two week vacation every six months seems to be a really good idea.

Oh, where to go next...

Hey, Here's an Idea...

I had come across this idea in another article (read "industry flame") called A Gamer's Manifesto.

Where's the game where we're a castaway on a deserted island and the object of the game is to find food and clean water and build a shelter, a game where we can play for one month or six months, because whether or not we get rescued is randomized? Where every time we restart we get a different island with different wildlife and vegetation and water sources?

Well, I think it's a rather good idea. It's nothing terrible sophisticated, at least on the surface. Here are the complicated bits:

• Animal behavior
• Weather
• Time passage
• Physical wear and tear on the user's "body

Not to say this is an easy to do thing for me. I've no experience with computer games. This seems like a really good place to start. I'd need to up my C++ skills, maybe work on some artistic skills, learn some new tools, that sort of thing. I would really like to script things in lisp, though. Not sure why, but it just seems like a really good language to script AI (for the animal behaviors).

So far in the mentions of the idea that I've had, there's been a few positive responses. I think the appeal of a game like that is the tomogochi-type game addictiveness. The game would involve the survival of an avatar, but from a first-person perspective. I think that adds a bit more to the addictiveness, in that it is about virtual survival of self.

It might be pretty interesting.

Decline and Fall (Wait, no, It's Summer)

There's been a noticeable decline in the blogging space. It's seems as if the fad has begun to run it's course. There was a Doonesbury comic this morning that high-lighted this fact, which says to me that the whole situations, well, reached comic proportions.

Even the bloggers are starting to realize this fact.

I'd give this decline several reasons. First, and foremost, it's a fad. In the way that social network sites had a spike in membership, so have blogs. Everyone needed to have one, and realized that writing about their lives really wasn't all that interesting to them. Millions of people tried it out and found that it just wasn't for them.

Now the internet is full of blog sites that are never updated, nor cared for, nor visited. It's a bit like the clutter that built up after the internet's first fad stage: the personal website. Blogs have made it remarkably easy for a person to have a professional looking website. The only thing needed is content (like a bare-bones computer needs a CPU or a Chia pet needs water).

There will probably be some sort of great Blog Rapture, where the gods of the blog servers while choose those blogs that will stay and those that will be damned to the hell of the Way Back Machine. Until that time there will be a huge number of orphaned blogs out there.

I think the second reason for the decline in blogs has been that the mainstream media has co-opted it for their own uses. I know that statement has a conspiratorial tone to it, but I merely trying to think like the vast number of dedicated bloggers out there. They feel that there job is to bring the real news and really happenings to light. Now with the mainstream media grabbing hold, it's no longer seen as a tool of counter-culture. In other words, it's now a tool of the Man.

Lastly, and this really is only a personal opinion/belief/hope-for-the-survival-of-all-man-kind, is that it's summer. People have more interesting things to do, than sit on the computers and write about what they did today, which amounts to writing about there day. This may only be the case in the part of the world where I live where there is only about four months of good weather.

So get outside, enjoy that strange scent called Fresh Air.

Windy Season

I've been a bit distracted lately. You see, it's sailing season. I sail on a regular basis, starting with twice a week, and ramping up to around four, once I get my own boat in the water. Pretty much that seems to sap all of my energy. So where does that leave me for this? Pretty much out to sea...

Wow, ok, that was a bit cheesy. See, it's sapped all the creativity as well.

Why does it grab my attention so? It's one of those sports that requires an amazing amount of focus and subtlety. Usually these are two athletic skills that I lack. With sailing, when I'm at the tiller, I have tremendous focus.

This might be more true in light wind. That's where the subtlety really comes into play. The tiller only needs a soft touch to get it to point higher or bear off. In those conditions it's easy to over-steer, and when there's light wind, it may be very difficult to actually get back to a preferred course.

Tactics are important in those wind conditions, as well. The job of the tactician is not only to be aware of the other boats, but to be aware of the wind conditions on the course. He or she needs to spot the areas of stronger, larger, more consistent pockets, all of which help to gain speed over the other boats in the race. A good tactician can make the race.

In the heavier air races, it's seems to be more a question of sailing skill. The tactician is still valuable in picking the favored side of the course, and in dealing with the other boats, but much of the time is spent sailing well on a long beat. Speed is maintained on well-executed tacks and mark roundings.

To see where I stand in all this, check out the Black Bear Yacht Racing Association's (BBYRA) race results. The boat I race on is called Improv. Great little boat, with not so great little racers.

Oddly enough, I think that I've gone to exactly the place in blogging where I hoped not to go. I'm free writing.

Damn it. Really, this isn't the time or the place for it, especially if I want to seem semi-serious about the whole thing. It's just that I haven't had to many ideas for essayable subjects. Perhaps I should be putting this sort of writing into a story or a novel or something (that thing that I really want to do).

This basically puts me at the same place that a vast majority of bloggers are at: self-indulgent forms of flattery. Look at me, I'm so good.

I'm not saying that about myself. Usually I describe it as total crap. Oh, maybe I'm being a bit hard on myself.

The last post I put up was just that. I was just trying to hard to come up with something to say in. In the end (since it was through multiple sittings), it merely meanders (albeit, briefly) through a start of one subject and a discussion of another. I probably shouldn't have even have posted it.

Ah, who knows.

More Transitions

Here's a great way to start out the summer: go back to work.

Kids have been doing this for years. Schools out and one needs a little more spending cash. It's that unfortunate catch 22 of the summer. To have fun you have to work.

Although, it seems that once schools out permanently there is actually more free time. Not having homework at night opens up an amazing amount of time. This, however, causes a problem.

Many young people (myself included) seem to have a lack of purpose. They lack drive. They need something to get them from this point A to some other point B with out going through all the strange, meandering points in between (like X, Y and Z).

The question is, where am I going with this? I ask myself that question all the time. I always thought that the older one gets the more clear things will seem. This is, of course, not true. It's one of those great truths, really. The stability and composure that many of our parents conjured really just masked their own insecurities as human beings. They did it all for our benefit. Amazing really.

It's difficult to mask these insecurities. Many time they sit on the forefront of our minds. Am I doing the right thing? Will people like me? Should I really have worn the pink shirt with the beige trousers or should I have gone with black?

The interesting bit is how we deal with these questions. There's two ways to answer them. First one can simple become paralyzed by the questions, continually answering them in one way and then the other. It becomes an infinite loop of yes or no, stay or go, pink or black. The questions merely reverse for the new answer.

Or we can simply accept our first instinct. We've made this decision and we should stick with it. Come what may, it's the path we've chosen: Yes I'm doing the right thing; who cares what they think; damn it, I look good in pink. Now what we're left with is waiting and seeing what the results of our actions are. Then there will be a new set of questions and with them a new set of answers.

So what does that leave for the summer? Just a set of questions about what to do with that little bit of time left over after we've earned a little bit of spending cash.

Minor Editorial Note: I do not, in fact, own a pink shirt. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but I just don't think it's my color.

Transitions

I'm writing this on my new Mac Powerbook^TM. I've finally made the switch. It's not all wine and roses.

I'm finding that there's a bit of a transition. In the back of my mind I new that would be the case. There's different key strokes, different button locations, different keyboard. The Software's all slightly different. The organization of things is very different.

Take, for example, the fact that there is no delete key. I don't mean backspace. I mean delete. You know, the one that deletes characters in front of it? I find that to be a highly useful key. I'm sure there's a way to do it. I just haven't found it yet.

But as a user it will be an interesting change. It's the first time in a while where I need to learn the fundamentals of the system again. There's a bit of joy that comes from discovering how to do things the quick way (like with a key stroke) versus the easier to find slow way (menu navigation).

It has me excited, though. As a developer, it has a lot to offer, mostly in the stability and performance areas. There's a lot of little places that I can get my feet wet. If I was ever so inclined, I could also help out porting existing open-source Unix applications to this platform.

That requires some interest and need for those applications, though. Otherwise I won't ever work on the projects. I've noticed that the best way to drive development is to write a tool that I need. Second to that is writing a tool that someone else needs (this is called business).

There will be a lot of tools that I'll need here in this new world, so I'll need to get cracking.

Points and Lines

Every now and then (sort of like my need to examine the state of my Religiosity), I need to sit back and look at why I'm doing this. It's been a few months now since I've started this blog, and so I thought I'd reexamine my purpose.

It seems like I've become an essayist. Somehow that doesn't seem quite right. I never thought about becoming an essayist. I never wanted to become an essayist. I never sat up, late in the night, gazing at the stars, and whispered into the darkness "I would like to write the Great American Essay."

What did I want? Well, I've always thought about becoming a novelist. Barring that, a screenwriter (OK, so who hasn't thought of that. I think my mistake - or success - in not becoming a screenwriter was despising LA and being unable to afford life in NY). There's a lot of glamour in the screenwriting business, or at least the fantasy of seeing your work up on screen.

There's a very similar desire to see a book on a shelf in a bookstore with one's name on it. Being a novelist really should be about telling a story. A story of a man. A radioactive man...no, wait that's been done.

Ay, there's the rub. Much of it's been done before. Or at least that's how it seems. Perhaps it's just a bit daunting to get started. That blank page makes one both fearful, nervous, yet ready to fill it with words. Hopefully words full of meaning and theme and Great-American-Novelly-type things. In other words, a grandiose tale of men (and women).

It usually ends up being a page of crap.

That page of crap is important, as I've said before. That becomes the first draft and the house of ideas in which one can raise a story.

So here's where I put myself after these few months blogging. I find that the barrier to putting words down to be thinner, taking less effort to overcome. I can sit down and bang out an essay. It's usually crap but now I accept that part of it. The crap becomes part of ideas and elements that perhaps I can use later.

Now, as far as writing a novel goes, these ideas aren't necessarily worthwhile. There not even good. But, I have been leaving out my fiction ideas. There's two reasons for doing that. First, they haven't quite gelled yet. There's still some ideas of plot, character, setting, style, pacing and that sort of thing that needs to be worked out. Secondly, its a matter of having no idea where to start.

The essays are easy. Even if it's about something I'm not too knowledgeable about, I'll look it up. That's what many of the essays have been: short explorations of an idea. Fiction has to be made up entirely. Write about what you know, they say. If I did that, it would be terrible uninteresting. So I need to really figure out how to imagine people and places and situations, before I can sit down and write about them.

Lies are all in the details, and so is fiction.